Reviewing Sugar Free energy drinks

Some people turn to coffee every day for their caffeine fix, but my tastes lean colder and more carbonated. I don’t partake too often, but when I need it I go for an energy drink. To keep the calorie count down, I generally prefer sugar free varieties. Here in the small nation of New Zealand the number of options available isn’t as big as some other places around the world, but here I will review in great detail the seven varieties I was able to purchase locally.

From left: Lift Plus Zero, Monster Absolute Zero, V Zero, V Sugar Free, Pepsi Max, Rockstar Zerosugar, Monster Zero Ultra

Despite its name, Monster Energy Absolute Zero probably isn’t recommended to be served at the coldest temperature possible. The flavour is close to the generic ‘energy drink’, but sort of has enough of a distinct tang to save it from being unpleasant. If it was just a tiny bit more bitter it’d be pushed into slightly horrible, but as is it works very well. Unfortunately it’s half litre can only, so small people with puny bladders have to skull cautiously.

160 out of 200

It’s not sold as an energy drink, but Pepsi Max claims to have more caffeine than a normal cola but with no sugar. It isn’t weak and watery like some diet sodas, having a crisp and reasonably strong cola flavour. There isn’t the same kick as the other energy drinks on this list, but it can give you the edge to power through life’s obstacles for a little longer. Plus because it’s a Pepsi product, servings come in small cans, large cans and big bottles to share with family and friends.

245 out of 350

The V brand is by far the most common energy drink range available in my small southern hemisphere Island Nation, and comes in two no sugar varieties. The first, V Zero, comes in strong having Erik Lehnsherr himself offer his personal endorsement. I’m sure just before starting to destroy with world with magnetic forces he downed a half litre can of this stuff, boosting his emo anger to never before seen levels. No flavour is listed on the bottle nor does it offer any identifiable aroma. It has a very sharp bitter punch that his the sides of the jaw with every gulp. If you like pungent aftertastes you get good value, with the long tail lasting an hour after charging it down. I prefer something that comes and goes a bit quicker. If you have a steel bench top this might be an ideal product for polishing it to a mirror finish. It does come in small quarter litre cans, so if you are forced to endure it you can… endure less.

18 out of 63

Here comes another V, just like the other V. Rather than having Zero Sugar, this brew is simply called V Sugar Free. The mathematical difference between Zero Sugar and Sugar Free isn’t much, and this reflected in the flavour. I didn’t drink both in the same day (The label warns you against this - apparently it can cause rather painful piles) so the comparison is based on my excellent tasting memory. The only big difference I could tell is based on the X-man than endorses each variety. Moving ferrous metals around might be fun, but based on the horrible winter weather raging outside as I write this I’d give the edge to the sky clearing Storm with her Sugar Free selection.

72 out of 240

From my minimal research, the Lift brand of beverage isn’t very global. The original Lift is a simple lemon flavoured carbonated drink, but nowhere on the label of this Lift Plus Zero does it mention any citrus heritage. The taste isn’t exactly lemon, but it does have an almost sandy kick you might get from an overly ripe fruit. If you did squeeze a lemon and juice the colour of this drink came out you’d immediately destroy the violently diseased tree it surely came from. It’s not awful, but in my fantasyland it would be so much more. A great advantage it has is the sexy, green glass resealable bottle it comes in. Not too big either, being the same size as a common can.

348 out of 580

If air guitars are your thing, then Rockstar Sugar Free Tropical might let you preform longer. It’s actually reasonably sweet tasting, but not overwhelmingly so. I don’t quite get how the ‘Tropical’ flavour results in this diluted blood red colour. I’d expect pineapple, coconut and maybe banana, but no - we get red. It definitely doesn’t live up to it’s name, but it is pleasant and very different to all the other options. It proudly states on the can that it contains ‘One Carb’, giving me the impression that a tiny bit of bread or pasta was mixed in at the factory. It’s another urinating inducer, coming in only large half litre cans.

24 out of 32

It’s actually surprising to get a sugar free energy drink that isn’t extremely sharp and bitter. Monster Zero Ultra does have a lemon lime flavour, but it doesn’t come with the ultra acidic tang that everything else on this list. It tastes good, like something you’d drink regardless of your energy requirements. It bucks the neon pee yellow trend, being an icy white colour. Plus the can has a strange crocodile skin texture, so when you get the shakes from too much caffeine you can keep a slightly better grip. It is only in half litre cans, but in some lands on the other side of the world I have seen images of these in resalable screw top varieties.

171 out of 190

So, clearly there is one obvious winner. I do realise that using dissimilar fractions for the review scores can be confusing. If you need a bit more energy to try and compare the final scores I recommend reading my review of various sugar free energy drinks here.